TEACHING BOYS TO BE MEN

Growing into Men:

What you Can Do for the boys in our lives?
They need your time and energy. Your son,
grandson, nephew, younger brother, Need to
be taught by a mentor. You need to show
them how to grow into healthy young men.
Boys face many influences outside of the
home – from friends, the neighborhood,
television, the internet, music, the movies
… everything they see around them.
There are all kinds of messages about
what it means to “be a man” – that they
have to be tough and in control. Some of
these messages are conflicting and some
harmful and are being given to boys about
what constitutes “being a man” in a
relationship. Boys need your advice on how
to behave toward girls. They are watching
how males in their household or around
them relate to women. They use this to
figure out their own stance towards girls.
The earlier we teach our boys that there is
no place for violence in a relationship is
the better.

Here's How:
It’s never too soon to talk to a child about
violence. Let him know how you think he
should express his anger and frustration
– and what is out of bounds. Talk with
him about what it means to be fair, share
and treat others with respect.
Be there.
If it comes down to one thing you can do,
this is it. Just being with boys is crucial.
The time doesn’t have to be spent in
activities. Boys will probably not say this
directly-- but they want a male presence
around them, even if few words are
exchanged.
Listen.
Hear what he has to say. Listen to
how he and his friends talk about girls.
Ask him if he’s ever seen abusive behavior
in his friends. Is he worried about any
of his friends who are being hurt in their
relationships? Are any of his friends
hurting anyone else?
Tell Him How.
Teach him ways to express his anger
without using violence. When he gets
mad, tell him he can walk it out, talk it
out, or take a time out. Let him know
he can always come to you if he feels
like things are getting out of hand. Try
to give him examples of what you might
say or do in situations that could turn
violent.
Bring it up.
A kid will never approach you and ask
for guidance on how to treat women. But
that doesn’t mean he doesn’t need it.
Try watching TV with him or listening to
his music. If you see or hear things that
depict violence against women, tell him
what you think about it. Never hesitate
to let him know you don’t approve of
sports figures that demean women, or
jokes, video games and song lyrics that
do the same.
And when it comes time for dating,
be sure he knows that treating girls with
respect is important.
Be a Role Model.
Fathers, coaches and any man who spends
time with boys or teens will have the
greatest impact when they
“walk the walk.” They will learn what
respect means by observing how you
treat other people. So make respect a
permanent way of dealing with people.
He’s watching what you say and do and
takes his cues from you, both good and bad.
Be aware of how you express your anger.
Let him know how you define a healthy
relationship and always treat women and
girls in a way that your son can admire.
Your job isn't done once you get the first
talk out of the way. Help him work through
problems in relationships as they arise.
Let him know he can come back and talk to
you again anytime.
...................Use every opportunity
to reinforce the message that violence
has no place in a relationship...................