FACTS ON SPOUSAL ABUSE

Spousal abuse facts
Spousal abuse refers to both physical, and mental abuse.
Emotional abuse is just as damaging if not more so than
physical.
The statistics are frightening and seem to grow each day
even with more facts and education materials out there.

Women are no longer the only victims of physical or
emotional abuse. Men are now coming forward with stories
of abuse in the same way by a spouse or partner.
Fear and not lack of education prevented them from
coming forward before due to the stigma of the crime.
There are other abuses besides the physical that are just
as damaging and serious including verbal and emotional
abuse, psychological abuse, financial abuse, and sexual
abuse.
Abusers come from any background or walk of life, but
they share common characteristics, which have been
noted. An abuser tends to have trouble communicating
their needs. They use control and blame on other people
as reasons for their abusive actions.
They have no control over their erratic
Behavior and generally suffer from a low self-esteem.
There is no reason to feel sorry for these abusers.
They know exactly what they are doing.
Abuse is the manipulation of control and power that
the abuser wants to have over the victim.
They control, they manipulate, and they try to intimidate
the victim.
Describing and recognizing physical abuse is simpler
than the other types. Abusers attack the partner and
sometimes children. This includes hitting, kicking,
slapping, choking, or threatening with a weapon.
A victim may have objects thrown at him, be locked
out of the house, be physically restrained in some
fashion, or blocked from leaving the room or house.

Sexual abuse not only refers to unwanted sex forced
on you by a partner. It includes physical and or with
threat, and also can include criticizing the partner's
sexual performance. Rigid sex roles are often
demanded, expecting the victim to "serve" the abuser
at his or her whim. Sexual abuse can also be defined
as sexual activity or sexual touching, grabbing, or
groping to which the victim does not consent.
The abuser to say and do things to shame or insult the
victim, they will ridicule and mock the victim in private
and even in front of others at times, uses emotional
and psychological abuse. The abuser tells the victim
they are ugly, too fat, too skinny, stupid, lazy, telling the
victim they cannot do anything right or that no one wants
them, Other indications of psychological abuse are
isolating the victim by not wanting them to attend social
gatherings, or to avoid their family. Etc.

Threats play a big part in abusive relationships, threats
to hurt the victim, friends, family or the children keeps
fear strong. Abuser may forbid the victim to work or
get out to see friends. Accusations of the other party
having an affair and treats to destroy or threaten to
destroy personal property belonging to the victim or
their family.

Tight financial control sometimes occurs, in an abusive
relationship. The victim is often allowed only a very small
allowance and expected to accept it without question.
Humiliation, put-downs, name calling, criticism, screaming
at the victim, ignoring the victim
... these are all additional things on the list of occurrences
that constitute psychological and emotional abuse.

In abusive relationships the abuser has accused
the victim of "making them do it."
This, of course, is totally absurd and untrue.
There is NO excuse for abuse, so blaming it on
your culture or background is stupid.

We all have the mistaken belief that the victim is always
free to leave.
Fear of shame and violence keeps the victim there for a
long time.
Financial reasons also come into the picture.
Where will they go?
How will they live?
Will leaving endanger other peoples lives?
Dealing with a victim of abuse is always hard.
Deprogramming their beliefs of unworthiness takes
a long time. It is very important for a victim to be told
and to believe that they do not, nor does anyone,
deserve to be abused.
Convince the victim that help is available, and make
sure you know how to assist in finding them help.

If you are a victim of spousal or partner abuse:
1. Know where local shelters are and have a safety
Plan to remove yourself from the abusive home
Or situation.
2. Check with local officials if you are about to leave
A situation where physical danger is a threat.
You can request a police escort.
3. Also find out about protective orders that might be
Issued for you, but this should not take the place
Of an escort.
4. If there is time to make a safety plan and there is
no immediate emergency in leaving, there are some
factors to consider.
5. Where will you stay?
6. Do you have emergency money at hand?
7. You may want to move things out a little at a time to
8. Where you will be staying.
9. Last but certainly not least, do not be afraid to ask for help.
10.There are many people and organizations that can help
Make this transition time safer and perhaps even a bit
Less stressful for you.

National Domestic Violence
Hotline U.S.A-
1-800-799-SAFE (7233) or
TTY 1-800-787-3224.
CANADIAN HELPLINES:
National Domestic Violence
Hotline- Canada-
1-800-363-9010
In both English and French.