WORLD CUP LAUGHS!!!!!

World Cup warning
published: Tuesday June 20, 2006
DEAR WIFE, Partner, Girlfriend, aunt, niece,
mothers, grandmothers, maids ... all women.

1. From 9 June to 9 July, you should read the sports
section of the newspaper so that you are aware of
what is going on regarding the World Cup, and that
way you will be able to join in the conversations.
If you fail to do this, then you will be looked at in a
bad way, or you will be totally ignored.
DO NOT complain about not receiving any attention.

2. During the World Cup, the television is mine, at
all times, without any exceptions. If you even take
a glimpse of the remote control, you will lose
it (your eye).

3. If you have to pass by in front of the TV during
a game, I don't mind, as long as you do it
crawling on the floor and without distracting
me. If you decide to stand nude in front of the
TV, make sure you put clothes on right after
because if you catch a cold, I won't have time to
take you to the doctor or look after you during
the World Cup month.

4. During the games I will be blind, deaf and mute,
unless I require a refill of my drink or something
to eat. You are out of your mind if you expect me
to listen to you, open the door, answer the
telephone, or pick up the baby that just fell on
the floor ... It won't happen.

5. It would be a good idea for you to keep at least
two six-packs in the fridge at all times, as well as
plenty of things to nibble on, and please do not
make any funny faces to my friends when they
come over to watch the games.
In return, you will be allowed to use the TV
between 12 a.m. and 6 a.m., unless they replay
a good game that I missed during the day.

6. Please, please, please!! If you see me upset
because one of my teams is losing, DO NOT
say "get over it, its only a game", or "don't worry,
they'll win next time".
If you say these things, you will only make me
angrier and I will love you less. Remember, you
will never ever know more about football than
me and your so called "words of encouragement"
will only lead to a break up or divorce.

7. You .are welcome to sit with me to watch
one game and you can talk to me during
half-time but only when the commercials are
on, and only if the half-time score is pleasing me.
In addition, please note I am saying "one" game;
hence, do not use the World Cup as a nice
cheesy excuse to "spend time together".

8. The replays of the goals are very important.
I don't care if I have seen them or I haven't seen
them, I want to see them again. Many times.
9. Tell your friends NOT to have any babies, or
any other child-related parties or gatherings
that require my attendance.

10. But, if a friend of mine invites us to his
house on a Sunday to watch a game, we
will be there in a flash.
The daily World Cup highlights shown on
TV every night is just as important as the
games themselves.

11. Do not even think about saying "but you
have already seen this ... why don't you
change the channel to something we can
all watch?" because, the reply will be,
"Refer to Rule #2 of this list".

12. And finally, please save your expressions
such as "Thank God the World Cup is only
every four years". I am immune to these
words, because after this comes the
Champions League, Italian League,
Spanish League, Premier League, FA Cup,
etc.

Thank you for your cooperation.

I am, etc.,
STILL FAITHFUL
World Cup Watcher