Spousal abuse is the deliberate
attempt by a partner in an
intimate relationship to control
or intimidate the other partner.
The couple may be married,
unmarried or the same sex.
What forms can spousal abuse take?
Abuse can be physical, psychological,
sexual or financial.
A person may experience more
than one kind of abuse. Some forms
of abuse are also crimes.
What would be included as physical
abuse?
Physical abuse can include hitting,
punching, slapping, pushing,
pinching, kicking, burning,
shooting, stabbing or cutting.
Physical abuse is legally known
as assault.
A person commits assault when
they intentionally use force or
try to use force against a person
without consent.
What would be included as
psychological or emotional abuse?
Psychological abuse can include
threats, constant criticism and
put downs, control
of activities, humiliation, name
calling, screaming at a person,
ignoring a person, control of
money, stalking, damaging
property, threatening to have
someone deported, and reading
another person's mail.
Some aspects of psychological
abuse are also crimes in Canada
such as stalking, damaging
property and making threats.
What kind of behaviour is sexual
abuse?
Sexual abuse is sexual activity or
sexual touching to which you do
not consent. This kind of behaviour
is a crime in Canada
and hopefully everywhere else.
What kind of behaviour is financial
abuse?
Financial abuse can include taking
your pay cheque, or withholding
money from you so that you have
no food or cannot get
necessary medical treatment.
These are crimes. Other forms of
financial abuse may not be crimes
but may contribute to emotional
abuse, such as controlling money
very tightly.
How common is husband abuse?
There is a continuing debate over
the prevalence and seriousness of
husband abuse. There does not seem
to be any question that the
problem exists, but there is a
general difference of opinion
as to how serious a problem it is
compared to wife abuse. The vast
majority of reported cases and
literature concerns men attacking
women. The balance of these
questions will therefore reflect
that emphasis, although the
information can be applicable to
both sexes.
Does wife abuse happen to one
particular kind of person more
than another?
No. Potentially wife abuse can
occur in any neighbourhood and
at any level of society.
Facts which are known about wife
abuse are as follows-
wife abuse is as common in rural
areas as well as cities
-wife abuse is common in high income
families as well as low income families
- wife abuse spans all ages, races and
nationalities, disabled women may also
suffer wife abuse
-wife abuse rarely happens as a one
time occurrence
-beatings are often severe so as to
require medical treatment
-wife abuse frequently occurs after
hours between 5p.m. and 7a.m.
and on weekends
-wife abuse always happens in private
places
-wife abuse often occurs during
pregnancy and often starts during
a first pregnancy.
Is there a particular kind of person
who is an abuser?
Abusers do come from every part of
society.
Certain characteristics of abusers have
been identified as being common,
for example-
-low self esteem poor communication
skills
-poor impulse control a strong need to
control a tendency to blame the victim
or other factors
( e.g. stress, alcohol, drugs) for
their violence.
How might someone tell if abuse is
going on in a family?
Abuse almost always occurs in private
so that it is hard to detect. There are
some signs that might indicate abuse is
going on such as-
-a track record of violence in the past
-a history of family abuse from when
spouses were children
-impulsiveness demonstrated by
-temper tantrums
- possessiveness, excessive
-dependence on spouse
-emotional immaturity rigid views of
men and women and their roles in
society problems with children
such as aggressive behaviour
-school problems
-night time problems
-physical complaints
-crying hopelessly or very little
-history of suicidal thoughts or
attempts substance abuse
I have been physically abused by
my husband for a long time.
I have thought about leaving
him but I have three children.
Should I stay for the sake of the
children?
The basic consideration has to be
the degree of risk that you and
your children face by staying in
the house. The risk can be the
risk of physical or emotional harm.
Studies have shown that living in a
violent household can affect the
well being and behaviour of
children adversely. A 1994
Juristat from the Canadian Centre
for Justice Statistics found that
children witness violence against
their mothers in almost 40% of
marriages with violence. Children
who witness violence may-
-feel frightened confused and u
nhappy
-behave aggressively feel
responsible for the violence
become depressed or even suicidal
exhibit self destructive
-accident-prone behaviour seek
punishment ( identified as love)
for behaviour such as lying or
stealing adopt rigid gender role
identification have night time
difficulties or physical complaints
My husband does not hit the children
but they sometimes see him hit me.
It does not seem to affect the children.
Are there any long term consequences
of them seeing him hit me?
It is extremely likely that there will
be long term consequences from
your children witnessing abuse.
Boys who witness abuse at home
are more likely to abuse their
wives or partners when they grow
up. Girls who witness abuse
are more likely to accept abuse
as a fact of life when they enter
into relationships. Children who
witness violence at home are
more likely to think that violence
at home is normal. Children should
be protected from abuse,
even when they are just witnesses.
My husband is physically abusive
towards me, but I do not feel able
to leave him. How can I better
protect myself at home?
If you feel that you cannot leave
an abusive situation at this point
in time you can still protect
yourself by considering the
following-
-tell a neighbour or friend to call
the police if they see or hear
anything seek medical
attention for any injuries.
You do not have to state who injured
you, but it is better for your treatment
if you tell the doctor how your injury
occurred.
-keep records about your injuries and
other times you are abused. make a
plan as to how you might leave and
where you would go.
-ensure that emergency numbers are
close to hand or memorised.
-educate yourself as to the legal
remedies you have in your province,
e.g. family violence laws which will
grant emergency orders
-criminal offences that your husband
could be arrested for
-support and custody laws.
-save some money if possible.
-do things to make you feel better
such as seek counselling or learn
new skills.
-consider persuading your partner
to seek counselling.
Who can I talk to about the abuse I
suffer at home?
Talking about your problem is very
important. Tell a friend, family member
or someone in your community.
Community members who will have
seen people in similar situations include
doctors, public health nurses, emergency
room nurses, social workers, private
therapists and women's shelter staff.
There may also be a distress line in your
community or a shelter which operates
a 24 hour help line.
I am going to leave my partner because
I cannot take the abuse anymore.
I am terrified that my partner will try
to stop me from leaving. How can
I leave safely?
If you are in immediate danger
from physical harm you can always
call the police and request attendance
at your home.
If you under no immediate physical
risk it is useful to make an safe escape
plan.
Things you can do include-
-consider where you will stay (friend,
relative, safe house, shelter, another
town or city)
-put some money away a little
at a time in a safe place.
-move out some things a little at
a time (e.g. clothing, credit cards)
-consider what you might take
for your children (e.g. favourite
toys or blankets, toothpaste, diapers)
-contact your local social services
or welfare office to find out what
benefits you might be entitled to.
-get legal advice about your situation
or educate yourself about the legal issues
that might affect you, e.g. custody,
support, protection orders,
restraining orders, property rights.
How can I protect myself at home
from harassing behaviour?
Some ways that you can protect
yourself at home include-
-screen your phone calls do not accept
unidentified packages identify people
before you open the front door
-keep your house well lit and keep
bushes outside small
-ask your phone company for details
of protective services
-keep emergency phone numbers
by your phone
-have a key ready as you approach
your house
-ask the police to do a home security
check
-consider changing the locks
-ask repair people for identification
-remove your name and address
from recycled mail
http://www.law-faqs.org/nat/v-spo-en.htm
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