Here is a good one for you all!

from: www.ackee.com

Author: Bash
Date: 12-22-05 13:36****
I have a really, really bad, bad cold and
I am really suffering.
My cousin sent me this, saying it would
cheer me up.
I thought I would share it
**** It did make me laugh!

1. If you are choking on an ice cube, don't panic.
Simply pour a cup of boiling water down your
throat and presto. The blockage will be almost
instantly removed.

2. Clumsy? Avoid cutting yourself while slicing
vegetables by getting someone else to hold them
while you chop away.

3. Avoid arguments with the Mrs. about lifting the
toilet seat by simply using the sink.

4. For high blood pressure sufferers:
simply cut yourself and bleed for a few
minutes, thus reducing the pressure in your
veins. Remember to use a timer.

5. A mouse trap, placed on top of your alarm
clock, will prevent you from rolling over and
going back to sleep after you hit the snooze
button.

6. If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of
laxatives, then you will be afraid to cough.

7. Have a bad toothache? Smash your thumb with a
hammer and you will forget about the toothache.

*******************************************************
Sometimes, we just need to remember what
the rules of life really are:
You only need two tools:
WD-40 and Duct Tape.
If it doesn't move and should,
use the WD-40.
If it shouldn't move and does,
use the duct tape.
Remember:
Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.
Never pass up an opportunity to go to the bathroom.
If you woke up breathing, congratulations!
You get another chance.
Finally, be really nice to your family and friends,
you never know when you might need them to empty your
bedpan!

*** Have a great, safe and holy holiday season Ackee people***