By BILL LAYE, CALGARY SUN
The happy-go-lucky gay lifestyle often
portrayed by the media often comes
with a dark side of mental, physical,
and sexual abuse, said a crisis counsellor.
Jane Oxenbury, a psychologist with
Edan Counselling Associates in Calgary,
said research shows close to 33% of
people in homosexual relationships
are in fact being abused.
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Partner battering and abuse
in Queer relationships:
Domestic violence in the community
is a serious issue.
The rates of domestic violence in
same-gender relationships is roughly
the same as domestic violence against
heterosexual women.
As in opposite-gendered couples, the
problem is likely underreported.
Facing a system which is often
oppressive and hostile towards queers,
those involved in same-gender
battering frequently report being afraid
of revealing their sexual orientation
or the nature of their relationship.
FACTS
1. No one deserves to be abused.
2. Abuse can be physical, sexual,
emotional, psychological, and involve
verbal behavior used to coerce,
threaten or humiliate.
3. Abuse often occurs in a cyclical fashion.
The purpose of the abuse is to maintain
control and power over one's partner.
4. The abused partner feels alone,
isolated and afraid, and is usually
convinced that the abuse is somehow
her or his fault, or could have been
avoided if she or he knew what to do.
Other unique same-gender
domestic violence facts:
1. It is frequently incorrectly assumed
that lesbian, bi and gay abuse must be
"mutual."
It is not often seen as being mutual in
heterosexual battering.
2. Utilizing existing services
(such as a shelter, attending
support groups or calling a crisis line)
either means lying or hiding the gender
of the batterer to be perceived
(and thus accepted) as a heterosexual.
Or it can mean "coming out", which is
a major life decision.
3. If lesbians, bi's and gays come out to
service providers who are not discreet
with this information, it could lead to
the victim losing their home, job,
custody of children, etc.
4. This may also precipitate local
and/or statewide laws to affect some
of these changes, depending on the area.
5. Telling heterosexuals about battering
in a lesbian, bi or gay relationship can
reinforce the myth many believe that
lesbian, bi and gay relationships are
"abnormal."
This can further cause the victim to
feel isolated and unsupported.
6. The lesbian, bi and gay community is
often not supportive of victims of battering
because many want to maintain
the myth that there are no problems
(such as child abuse, alcoholism,
domestic violence, etc.) in lesbian,
bi and gay relationships.
7. Receiving support services to help
one escape a battering relationship is
more difficult when there are also
oppressions faced.
8. Battered lesbians and female
bisexuals automatically encounter
sexism and homophobia, and gay
and bisexual men encounter
homophobia.
9. Lesbian or gay people of color who
are battered also face racism.
These forms of social oppressions
make it more difficult for these groups
to get the support needed
(legal, financial, social, housing,
medical, etc.) to escape and live freely
from an abusive relationship.
10. Lesbian, bi and gay survivors of
battering may not know others who are
lesbian, bi or gay, meaning that leaving
the abuser could result in total isolation.
11. Lesbians, bisexuals and gays are
usually not as tied financially to their
partner, which can be a benefit if they
decide to end the relationship.
However, if their lives are financially
intertwined, such as each paying a rent
or mortgage and having
"built a home together", they have no
legal process to assist in making sure
assets are evenly divided, a process
which exists for their married,
heterosexual counterparts.
12. The lesbian, bi and gay community
within the area may be small, and in
all likelihood everyone the survivor
knows will soon know of their abuse.
Sides will be drawn and support may
be difficult to find.
Anonymity is not an option, a
characteristic many heterosexual
survivors can draw upon in
"starting a new life" for themselves
within the same city.
Article from:
http://www.lambda.org/
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